While at West Point, Dwight D. Eisenhower began wrestling. He later said that through wrestling “I learned the mental discipline along with maintaining the physical stamina I would need for my future responsibilities.” In fact, there is a Torah of wrestling to be learned.

Torah describes Jacob wrestling with a beatific being. On the eve of a fateful meeting with his brother Esau, Jacob is filled with fear. While alone, Jacob encounters a heavenly adversary. They wrestle through the night.

By morning, the match is a draw. The text says that Jacob wrestled both with men and divine beings. In the end, Jacob succeeded in transcending his debilitating fear. He began the new day enlightened yet carrying forward his wounds. The activity of wrestling served a psychological purpose. After the full contact of wrestling, Jacob overcame his self-doubt. He learned that he had the strength to wrestle with all human antagonists.

Wrestlers report that the sport is as much a mental activity as a physical one. The principles of a good wrestler are applicable to everyday challenges. Appreciate you have control over how you approach an adversary. Will you engage calmly or with pressure or by sheer force?

Preparation is critical. A wrestler practices regularly before a match, just as we must practice building our own emotional and spiritual skills. We must spend time developing our techniques and skills.

While engaged in a challenging situation, you have control over whether to remain focused or retreat with your head down. To win, maintain a positive outlook. Those who succeed often have confidence in their abilities and approach. Those who lose are typically terrified of losing. You will not win every match for the rest of your life anyway…that isn’t realistic. If you lose…then you have the control to accept the loss and move on. If you are always afraid to lose, then you might never find success. Rather discover how the uncertainty of outcome can fire you up and fuel your performance, rather than poison your performance with panic.

The wrestler has practiced mental toughness as much as their takedowns. Mental toughness bolsters determination. At times we all feel overcome by negative thoughts. A consistent performer finds a way to feed off of even the negative things encountered in competition. Supplant negative thoughts with thoughts that make you feel worthy and powerful.

From Jacob to Dwight Eisenhower, wrestling built self-confidence and fostered the development of great leaders. The lessons learned from wrestling are a Torah for all times.

Rabbi Evan J. Krame

Great challenges make us cry out for answers. Every person will confront deep physical pain or emotional trauma. When the ache becomes agony, when we feel about to snap, we might call out to the heavens with our unhappiness. Sometimes we get an answer.

In Torah, Rebekah conceived the twins Esau and Jacob. The twins struggled in her womb. Rebekah cries out, at Gen. 25:23, “if so, then why do I exist?” She inquired of God. And God answered with an explanation about the nature of the two children within her. “Two nations are in your womb, Two separate peoples shall issue from your body; One people shall be mightier than the other, And the older shall serve the younger.”

While God’s answer is correct, he did not answer Rebekah’s question. She questioned her own existence. How would you reply if someone you love is in agony, be it mental or physical or both? I am reminded of beautiful advice from Rabbi Mike Moskowitz about answering questions: “answer the person, not just the question.”

Too often in life, we respond with explanations. I don’t believe Rebekah was anticipating God’s answer describing the tortured future of her offspring. She likely just needed some encouragement to get through the day.

Dare I suggest that God could have tried a more compassionate response? “Rebekah, your pain is real. I hear your distress.” The first step is to acknowledge what you have heard and reflect that back.

“Rebekah, you can call upon me at any time and cry or scream as you need. You don’t need to hide how you feel when you are with me.” The second step is to create a safe space.

“Rebekah, you are strong and you are brave. I know that you wish you didn’t have to be strong and brave. And I know that you have the fortitude to persevere until this is over.” The third step is to acknowledge something positive.

“Rebekah, no one knows how much longer this will last for you. What coping mechanisms help you from day to day?” The fourth step is to acknowledge the challenges. For example, we may feel that we have lost control over our lives when we are in extreme pain. Finding the inner resolve to employ whatever methods are available to persevere is another challenge.

“Rebekah, pain can leave you wounded or even broken. Or pain can be a great teacher, so you learn how brave and strong you are, and how powerful you are to meet future challenges. I hope that this challenge will be for an education and not for lasting harm.” The final step is to provide a framework for moving forward, pointing to the possibility of a self-motivated reclaiming of one’s inner strength.

When the pain of living seems insurmountable, the answers we seek may be hard to discern. But the answer we need might be the presence, support, and encouragement of the people we love.

Rabbi Evan J. Krame

Vladimir Putin is threatening the use of nuclear weapons. This news terrifies those paying attention, especially in Ukraine. However, the news benefits a few people. Those that benefit manufacture residential bunkers. The industry is booming in the US and England. The possibility of hiding in a nuclear safe room draws a comparison to the Torah’s story of Noah and the ark.

Noah did not need an ark until God spoke and gave Noah the blueprints. Noah faithfully executed the plan, set aside doubt, and operated on belief. God described the provisions needed and the animals to be transported. As fantastic as the predicted disaster might have seemed, Noah completed the task. As the text says, Noah was righteous for his times.

Who is Noah for today? Someone who invests in a bomb shelter for the home? The costs can run into hundreds of thousands of dollars. Perhaps the motivating factor is the desire to survive. Humans have the instinct to run from danger and to preserve our lives. Noah acted upon that instinct believing that an unseen God intended to destroy the world.

In succeeding chapters of the Torah, Abraham learns of God’s plan to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham argues with God to reverse that plan. Unlike Abraham, Noah does not negotiate at all. He does not demand to bring other people on the ark. He does not beg God to spare the world. There are no Abrahams in Noah’s era. And this explains why the Torah says Noah was righteous in his time. Noah was not necessarily a tzaddik or righteous person. He was just better than anyone else in that era.

Once again, the world is confronting the prospect of nuclear war in a manner not experienced since the 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis. A maniacal, evil dictator in Russia would ruin if not destroy the lives of millions in pursuit of power. Most of us choose to downplay the threat. A nuclear war defies common sense and seems unimaginable. And some are building bomb shelters for themselves to survive.

Who defines righteousness in our time as we are confronted with issues of survival? The congressmen who wish to cut funding to Ukraine? The xenophobes and racists who value their lives more highly than people of other skin color or ethnicity? Or the people who have so given up on humanity that they are more likely to spend $100,000 on a personal-size bomb shelter rather than engage with their neighbors in building a coalition of democracy-loving, peace-pursuing, and God-wrestling people.

Are you like the people in Noah’s time, sufficiently evil so that God is ready to abandon them? Or are you the ark-builder comfortable setting sail on your own? If neither is true, then it is time to read further in Torah so that we can all learn to become like Abraham. Our Abrahamic efforts are what is needed to save this world from harm.

Rabbi Evan J. Krame

An effective technique to defuse a pending argument is “to pregame” the events that give rise to tension. For example, we will inevitably debate the process each year of setting up our sukkah. The construction is fraught with peculiar details. Where in the yard shall we place the sukkah? Should we change the configuration? How many pieces of plastic fruit hanging from the rafters is the right amount? Before we begin the construction process, I call out the tension to come. This year I offered, “let’s agree that I will build, and you will correct me as we go.” We both laugh and steel ourselves for the annual sukkah-building challenges.

In the end, we put a lot of effort into creating a beautifully incomplete structure. The process seems a metaphor for our lives. We spend much time debating the details of our days. Yet, the structure is always flimsy; wind-blown, attacked by yellow jackets, and sometimes a washout. The imperfections are either a distraction or a source of joy.  You just need an awareness of the true meaning of the day.

Despite the debates and the dampened plans, Sukkot is the happiest of Jewish holidays. We are commanded in Torah to be happy on our holiday. Joy comes imperfectly.

As I mature, I have learned to better cope with life’s shortcomings. I finally understand Richard Carlson’s book “don’t sweat the small stuff, and it’s all small stuff.” The sukkah is a little crooked. The plastic grapes hang a little too low. That’s the small stuff. And it is all a reason to smile.

What is essential is to find joy in life’s endeavors. The pleasure of sukkot is about gathering, appreciating the change of seasons, and being grateful that we have warm, dry homes into which we can retreat from our imperfect sukkahs. We can begin to find happiness when we can laugh at our own imperfections. What matters is not what is deficient about us but about the way we build a life with relationships, appreciation, and gratitude.

Rabbi Evan J. Krame