Often we feel stuck in our past, perhaps because we feel the weight of our mistakes or the consequences of poor choices we made. Wrestling with your past, is the way to more fully live in the present. That is the lesson of Torah this week.
In Parshat Vayishlach, Jacob is about to reunite with his brother Esau. Decades earlier, Jacob had tricked Esau into selling his birthright and later stole the blessing intended for him. Feeling threatened, Jacob fled his home. Now, as he returns, he must face Esau once more, fearing retribution. Old wounds resurfaced, and past distrust stood ready either to reignite or dissolve.
Jacob sends messengers ahead, carefully scripted and bearing gifts. Uncertain of Esau’s emotional state, he employs a strategic approach to the unknown, using appeasement to soften the encounter. He may be panicked, but he is not unprepared. Jacob relies on the same manipulative skills that once defined his interactions with Esau, attempting reconciliation through gifts and deferential language. He has manipulated Esau before, and he attempts, consciously or not, to do so again.
That night, Jacob divides his camp and remains alone. An angel wrestles with him until dawn. From a modern psychological perspective, this struggle may represent Jacob wrestling with himself. He could be confronting shame for his earlier betrayal and guilt over the blessings he secured through deception.
Jacob Wrestling the Angel
By morning, Jacob emerges limping, his thigh wrenched. Perhaps this wound reflects a deeper moral injury—his conscience manifesting in physical form.
Jacob shows elements of an anxious-avoidant pattern. He longs for birthright and blessing, yet secures them through schemes that distance him from genuine relationship. Returning to Esau forces him to confront this manipulative part of himself, which may explain why he struggles with the “angel” just before meeting his brother. The encounter symbolizes his inner conflict and the divided nature of his identity.
The story of Jacob and Esau offers psychological insights into how people handle fear, guilt, and reconciliation. It illustrates both what fosters healing and what can keep relationships guarded even after forgiveness is offered.
Jacob faces his fears, yet still prepares for the possibility of danger. Although he physically avoided Esau for years, that avoidance merely postponed his anxiety. It remains unclear whether Jacob truly changes. There is no explicit admission of guilt and no clear evidence of different behavior toward his brother.
Esau, by contrast, appears ready to set aside retaliation and embraces Jacob with forgiveness. Their reunion may be transformative for Esau, perhaps more so than for Jacob. Reconciliation leaves Esau more serene and Jacob more humbled.
In wrestling the angel, Jacob brings his internal wounds to the surface. Whatever choices he made, regrettable or harmful, he must confront those parts of his personality that was responsible for his duplicity. This confrontation becomes essential for Jacob to live more fully in the present.
Rabbi Evan J. Krame
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