What’s so funny?

Showing emotions may be dangerous business. Yet, bottling up our emotions is toxic to our well-being. The key is figuring out when and where to let our feelings show. We can all use some helpful hints toward cultivating our true emotional selves.

Perhaps you remember Shakespeare’s Othello where arch villain Iago opines as to whether or not he should share his emotions as he designs his malevolent plans.  He decries vulnerability when saying “I will wear my heart upon my sleeves for daws to peck at?” Half a millennia later, Iago’s aversion to sharing his emotions remains a common attitude. Those who openly share feelings correctly fear judgmental listeners and hypercritical observers. Iago thinks it a better tactic to keep one’s sentimental self all locked up.

In Torah, our heroine, Sarah, has two episodes of laughter. One follows Iago’s approach and the second is an expression of genuine profundity.

The first instance is when Sarah overhears the angels telling Abraham that within a year the nonagenarian Sarah will have a child.  At Genesis 18:12 we are told that Sarah laughed within herself.  But there is no hiding such laughter born of incredulity.  In the next verse God suddenly makes an appearance and asks Abraham, why did Sarah laugh – is there anything too wondrous for God to do?  Circumventing Abraham, Sarah retorts directly saying she didn’t laugh.  And a petulant God says: “did too!”

Technically, Sarah did not laugh, neither visibly nor audibly.  But God being, well, God knows when Sarah laughs even if she doesn’t laugh out loud.  And God, perhaps finding Abraham more obsequious, brings the issue to his “guy” and avoids challenging Sarah. 

Sarah is attorney-like in her parsing of words and challenging of authority. Technically, she didn’t laugh. But such a Clintonian denial won’t pass muster. God has a point. Don’t think you can hide the sort of mocking, disbelieving laughter that stifles hope and diminishes self-esteem. God says, I heard the laughter within you Sarah precisely because there’s a toxicity that can’t be hidden when we try to bottle up our feelings and fail to honestly express ourselves.

Fast forward to Genesis 21 beginning at verse 7. Isaac is born, given a name in Hebrew that reflects the joy expressed through laughter. Sarah’s laughter is given expression even as she again marvels at the thought that a woman so old could have a child. After Isaac is born, Sarah’s laughter is honest even as it is laced with disbelief.  No rebuke from God this time. Sarah’s joy is genuine and infectious.

There’s another Shakespearean line (this time spoken by Polonius in Hamlet) that applies here, “to thine own self be true.” Sarah demonstrates authenticity when she both laughs out loud and acknowledges the true expression of her many emotions. Torah teaches that as we traipse through the emotional minefields of expression and repression, the most important consideration is to be authentic. If you think you can hide your emotions, know that bottling up your reactions is mostly you hurting your own self.

 Rabbi Evan J. Krame