Exam Nightmare

Do you still have nightmares about missing a test in school? Or failing out of a class? Amazing how these school time traumas continue to haunt us so many years later. Preparing for school exams was a traumatic test by itself. Now imagine if you had to cram for a test not of your knowledge but of your character.

The current pandemic is a test of our character. Torah stories support that understanding. God set us free from Egypt only to set us wandering in the wilderness for 40 years. Moses tells the people at parshat Eikev this week, it was all a test of what was in the peoples’ hearts. The purpose of the test was to help build a nation dedicated to spreading godliness in the world.

What is in my heart today is a jumble of responsibility and guilt avoidance, empathy and self-protection, emotion and rationalization. What matters, according to Moses, is that our hearts are perfected by any challenging experience. Tests of our character will occur throughout our lives. Torah asks that we improve because of the challenges and not backslide into self-wallowing pity.

Some may redirect their angst and displeasure by blaming God. Why would God create such terrible tests? We humans can’t answer that question. What we can fathom is how we respond to the challenges. That is the exam that I believe God puts before us. In Torah language, our hearts should be “circumcised” by the most difficult experiences to peel away the callousness of self-interest and reveal the soft-heartedness of true regard for other people? Will we pass the test of this pandemic?

Only some individuals are physically sick, but collectively we are all sick at heart. Our hearts should beat with pride in our country, faith in our institutions, and devotion to the rights of all free people. Our hearts should be filled with the satisfaction that we nurture future generations with educational opportunities, advanced health care, and stimulating arts.

Instead, we are being tested like the Hebrews wandering 40 years in the wilderness. God remains watchful, but our travails do not end until our hearts answer this test with a dedication to improving relationships, rebuilding society, and restoring freedoms.

I hate this virus and the wake of devastation it has caused. But I am hopeful that the aftermath will be a nation guided by goodness, generosity, caring, commitment, and love. May these be the correct answers to the test and bring an end to this nightmare.

Rabbi Evan J. Krame