Old Men and the Women Who Love Them

Roz was due to have lunch with her friend. That morning Roz learned that her friend had to attend a funeral which would delay lunch. Roz offered to attend the funeral as well. Why not? It was a sunny day in Florida and the cemetery wasn’t far from a good restaurant.

At the graveside, Roz greeted the mourning husband with offers of condolences. He took her hand gently, acknowledging her sentiment. They were married six months later.  As God said with regard to Adam, it is not good for man to be alone.

Men are very likely to remarry after their wife dies. When I talk to couples about end of life planning, I gently suggest to the wife that if she dies first her surviving husband is likely to remarry and soon.  I often joke that this proves how weak men really are, less likely to thrive alone.

In Torah, Sarah dies and Abraham the centenarian remarries Keturah. Perhaps to make it less seemly, rabbis of later ages will suggest that Keturah was really Abraham’s first consort, Hagar.  In any case, Abraham who was thought by Sarah to be told old to be father to Isaac will now sire six more children.

The desire for progeny was the theme of many chapters in the story of Abraham and Sarah. Perhaps that goal remained significant in Abraham’s mind. Yet, I am disquieted when I read that Abraham remarried. I want Torah to tell us a great love story of a broken-hearted Abraham, grieving for his wife and remaining alone with his sorrow.  My romanticism is unrequited for all eternity.

We can love again after loss. We may even be able to create more life. Old age offers possibilities, but the expiration dates may be just a bit sooner than we would like.

Rabbi Evan J. Krame