Toxic Sexuality

The sexually aggressive woman as archetype makes a debut in the Torah this week.  She begs, pleads and cajoles her putative lover. By contrast the virtuous male, refuses and refuses and refuses her advances. The first male to transcend toxic sexuality sets a high standard for generations to come.  Sadly, people will sometimes fail to follow our hero’s example.

In parshat Vayehsev, Joseph was thrown into a pit by his hate-filled brothers, sold to merchant Ishmaelites, and resold into slavery.  Joseph became a servant of Potiphar, a high official in Pharaoh’s court. When Potiphar was away at work, his wife attempted to lure Joseph into a lurid affair. So honorable is Joseph that he resisted the temptress.

He has proved himself tone-deaf to the arrogance of sharing dreams of dominion over his family.  He has proved himself a stoolie who reports on his brothers’ deficiencies.  But Joseph can hoist himself by his breeches and stay chaste.  This is a turning point in Joseph’s character development. Joseph stays honorable despite his travails and enslavement, which could easily have clouded judgment or placed Joseph in danger in this situation of power imbalance.

Joseph’s legacy is his righteousness, here fully on display.  He resists temptation and remains uncorrupted.  In the wake of #metoo movement, Joseph’s example teaches about the spirituality of appropriate sexual intimacy. Whether the aggressor is male or female, sexual coupling is to be reserved for two consenting adults. Joseph’s righteousness keeps him on the proper path.

Notice your reaction to this narrative.  What emotions might shift were this a story of a young woman resisting the advances of an aggressive married man.  The seemingly farcical nature of the temptress pursuing Joseph likely pales in comparison to the outrage we feel upon hearing a tale of powerful men pursuing the compliant female. The difference in attitude is part of the challenge in overcoming disparities in how men and women are perceived. And with society opening to greater gender and sexual identities, we have to learn to view all sexual aggressiveness with the same derision.

The Jewish calendar year 5780 should be the year of Joseph as the male role model demonstrating that forceful sexual approaches are always reprehensible. So let’s hear it for the boy – an inspiration to set higher standards of interpersonal behavior for all people.

R’ Evan.